Adventures of John: Welcome to Wonderland
by John The Adventurer
Summary: I am John the Adventurer. Of the strange and mad places I have seen on my journeys, none was madder than Wonderland. This the story of how I became one of the least liked people in Wonderland and why I dare not return.
1. Introduction

Adventures of John: Welcome to Wonderland

Introduction

My name is John the Adventurer. Not really. But in order to protect my identity, I usually refer to myself as such. Our world, our reality, is not the only one there is. There are an infinite number of planes of existence beyond our own, realms of myth and magic filled with all manner of beasts and creatures. There are those among us, ordinary people in all other aspects, that have a connection to one or more of these worlds. Their connection to these worlds can often give them abilities beyond those of other men, or even provide passage to these worlds. Many of these gifted individuals are unaware of their abilities.

I am one of these people, except I am aware of my gifts, and I am not merely connected to one realm, but to all of them. Because of this, I can see and speak with creatures from these realms, as well as separate my spirit from my body and use it to travel to these realms. When I am in these other worlds I can use the magic inherit in these worlds to do anything I can dream of. These are the tales of my journeys through the magical realms. These are the Adventures of John. Why am I posting my tales on a fan fiction site, you ask? Well, you wouldn't believe the people I've met.

I have been to many mad and wonderful places in my travels, but there was no place madder than Wonderland. It is not the land itself that is the maddest part, though a land in which the mushrooms can make you shrink or grow is fairly strange. No, if that were the case then there are many places I have been that are stranger, from a world where gravity pulls large things towards small things instead of the other way around to a world without friction, I have been to many such places. No, what makes Wonderland so strange is its inhabitants. If you could find a single inhabitant of Wonderland who still retained their sanity, you would certainly be the first.

During my journey to Wonderland, not long after my trip to Neverland(see Adventures of John: Journey to Neverland), I met many of its inhabitants for myself, and all of them, from the Hatter to the Caterpillar, were entirely mad. I must admit though, I became a little mad myself when I was there. It's possible that the land itself has the ability to drive anyone mad. But I'll let you be the judge of that.


	2. Chapter 1

Adventures of John: Welcome to Wonderland

Chapter 1

My adventure began not in Wonderland, but in a distant realm beyond the edges of Faerie. It was an icy realm, home to a race of yeti-like creatures with massive horns which are highly coveted in many realms. I was busy hunting the creatures so I could trade one of the horns with a dwarf for a magical harp that I could trade with a gnome for a magical music box which I could trade with an elf for a certain golden sphere when I saw it. I was searching for the dark slit of the creature's horns against the white snow when I caught something quite out of place. Running across the tundra was a white rabbit in a vest and overcoat, holding an oversized pocket watch.

"No," I told myself. "It can't be." But it was. As I neared the rabbit I could just hear his shrill cries of "I'm late, I'm late, I'm very very late!" over the icy wind. But what on Earth was the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland doing here?

I moved to follow him, but then stopped myself. "Remember what you promised yourself," I reminded myself. "No more places from Disney movies. Remember what happened with Peter Pan?"  
But of course, I ignored myself and went after him anyways. Flying through the snow, I barely managed to catch up enough to see him vanish down a hole. _Well then_, I thought. _Down the Rabbit Hole_. And so, I followed him and jumped down, crossing into Wonderland.

The journey passed quickly, with various things passing by me too quickly to see. I guess that's the problem with being a guy. When you're falling down a portal into a magical world, you don't have a dress to slow your fall. But when I finally stopped, I found myself in a tree stump in an ancient, wild-looking forest. Scattered among the trees were mushrooms of every shape and size, which I made sure not to eat. No point in me accidently shrinking myself.

As I looked around, I quickly forgot about the rabbit. He wasn't really what I was there for anyways. I was there for adventure! And so, I ventured into the forest, ready for anything…

…Except being berated by a flowerbed. As I was walking onto the forest, I heard a crunch, and then a series of high-pitched screeching.

"Lily!" shrieked one.

"No!" shouted another.

"Monster!" cried the last.

Looking down, I realized that I had accidentally stepped on a small white lily. I crouched down to pick it up, but pulled back when my hand got whipped by a rosebush. "Don't you touch her!" the roses cried. It was then that I realized who was screaming. I had just stepped into the middle of some sort of wild garden, and these were the flowers. Possibly even the same ones Alice met on her adventure.

"I am so sorry," I told them. "Is there any way that I could help?"

"Haven't you helped enough?" one of the roses cried. "Get away from our garden!"

They then proceeded to whip me around the legs, flowers both thorned and not doing their best to do me in. "If you don't stop this idiocy right now," I told them. "I will set fire to each and every one of you!" I held up a ball of molten flame in my hand to show them I was serious. That shut them up. I then walked away, making sure to heal the small wounds left by the thorns on my hands and legs.

I kept walking, trying to remember all the things I had seen in the movie. What had Alice encountered after the flowers?

"Ahem," called a voice. I looked around, but saw nothing. "Down here!" Looking down, I saw a small mushroom, and on that mushroom was a caterpillar, only three inches long. I could see a haze of smoke floating directly above the mushroom, obscuring my vision of the caterpillar, so I blew it away.

"Do **not** do that!" he demanded, barely keeping hold of his mushroom. "Your breath is strong in more ways than one."

"You're a little small to be insulting me, short stuff," I told him. Looking closer, I saw that the smoke had originated from the caterpillar itself, using some strange device. Then I remembered. "The hookah smoking caterpillar," I laughed. "So, what now? Are you going to quiz me on poetry or something?"

"Do you look down on me?" he asked angrily, puffing smoke.

"Well," I told him, "it's a little hard not to when you're barely three inches tall. Not a very good height, is it?"

"I am **exactly** three inches tall, and it is a very good height indeed!" he corrected, smoke shrouding him.

I blew away the smoke again, once more nearly knocking the caterpillar off his mushroom. "You are aware that I could easily step on you, aren't you? It isn't very wise to argue with someone over twenty-five times your height."

"And you are aware that it is unwise to argue with someone over a hundred times your intellect, aren't you?" he shot back. That was the final straw. Call me skinny, fine. Call me nerdy, awesome. But no one, **no one** insults my intelligence.

"I think you need to stop smoking," I told him forcefully, bending down. "It has obviously addled your brain." With that I flicked him off his mushroom into the nearby grass, which I made sure to step in thoroughly. Did he survive? Yes. But at the time I was more interested in venting my anger than anything else. If I had really wanted him dead, I would have disintegrated him on the spot. Lucky for him I didn't really want him dead. So, I continued on my adventure, wondering what Wonderland had in store for me next.


	3. Chapter 2

Adventures of John: Welcome to Wonderland

Chapter 2

After my confrontation with the caterpillar, I made my deeper into the darker sections of the forest. When it was becoming so dark I began to have difficulty seeing my hands in front of my face, I began to hear voices. I made my way to the voices, and soon discovered that I could see light ahead of me. I soon saw that the light was coming from a small enclosed garden, in the center of which was a long table covered in tea cups.

_No way!_ I thought to myself. _This was the best part of the movie!_

I walked forward and found two very familiar figures dancing around the table. On was a tattered-looking old hare, with matted brown and grey fur and an old tweed jacket and vest. The other was an older man with a shock of Einstein-like white hair, dressed in a green jacket and orange pants along with an oversized green hat. The March Hare and the Mad Hatter. Which meant that this was…

"The Mad Tea Party," I told myself. "I always wondered what it was really like."

"Who's this?" cried the March Hare. "Get out, get out! No room, no room!"

"Oh, but I would just like a cup of tea," I told him, even though I don't drink tea. "You wouldn't happen to have a cup of tea, would you?"

"Cup of tea, cup of tea?" he asked, or I think it was a question. "We've got a cup of tea!"

"A cup of tea, you say?" asked the Hatter, looking up from the hat he was making. "Please sit down! We have plenty of tea!"

"There's a lot less singing than I thought there would be," I told them. "Isn't this supposed to be an unbirthday party?"

"An unbirthday party?" asked the March Hare. "Now where would you get a crazy idea like that?"

"It's tea time, that's all," said the Hatter. "It's always tea time here, ever since the Queen came and declared we were killing the time. Time didn't like that, you see, and so it's six in the evening all the time."

"Wow," I said, shocked. "That's a lot less fun than an unbirthday party."

"Is it your unbirthday?" the Hare asked.

I thought about it and realized that it actually wasn't. I had come to Neverland on the only day that isn't my unbirthday. Back on earth, it was early in the morning on my birthday. Worst day to come to Wonderland. "Uh, no," I told him. "No it's not."

"Clean cup, clean cup, move down!" the Mad Hatter cried, suddenly tossing my cup away and forcing me out of my seat. I'm just glad that I don't drink tea, otherwise I would have been quite offended at the waste.

"Where is the dormouse?" I asked, looking around. "Isn't he supposed to be at this tea party as well?"

"He's sleeping!" the March Hare told me, opening a teapot to reveal the dormouse fast asleep inside.

"Make it work!" the Hatter muttered as he worked on another hat. "Make it work!"

"Make what work?" I asked.

"Whatever do you mean?" he responded, looking up from his work.

"You were muttering 'make it work'", I told him. "Make what work?"

"The hat, of course," he told me. I didn't get a chance to ask what the hat was supposed to do, as there was another cry of "Clean cup!" and we were all relocated to another section of the table. I tried several more times to ask him about the hat, but all attempts were blocked by mad rambling and more calls of "Clean cup!" Finally I had enough of the ridiculousness and left, feeling quite fed up with Wonderland.

As I walked, I began to hear a small sound very akin to singing, but it didn't seem to have any source nor meaning to it. I tried to understand it, but every attempt failed. As I looked around, I saw a large smile appear in the air above a tree branch. "The Cheshire Cat, I presume?" I asked the smile, not really wanting to go through introductions. "Are you going to materialize now, or are you just going to keep grinning?"

"Oh, you take all the fun out of things," the cat complained, materializing completely. "You should really learn to, haha, lighten up." He followed this statement by beginning to float up into the air, as if he was weightless.

"I am sick of this stupid place!" I told him, my anger building irrationally. "With all you stupid, crazy people! Why can't this be a sensible realm?" Of course, there is no such thing as a truly "sensible" realm, but at the time I wasn't exactly thinking rationally. I wasn't really myself at the time.

"Oh," Cheshire sighed. "I think the maddest one here is you."

That was the last straw. I leaped at the cat, grabbing at air. He had vanished, but I could see a set of footprints leading away, and I chased after them. And so began our chase across Wonderland. Cheshire always stayed just beyond my reach, vanishing whenever I came too close, but always keeping within sight of me. Every time I saw him I launched a bolt of fire at him, which, looking back, wasn't very smart. In my fervor to catch the cat, I ended up barreling through quite a lot of houses, many of which went up in flames.

Our chase ended on the steps to the castle of the Queen of Hearts, where I was quickly surrounded by playing-card soldiers. Cheshire was nowhere to be found, but I had still not gotten over my irrational rage. With a burst of energy I sent the soldiers surrounding me up in flames, which alerted the rest of the castle, bringing hundreds more of the card soldiers to my location.

"I will not have troublemakers in my kingdom!" the Queen declared from a balcony far above. "Off with his head!"

Hearing her, I blasted away the approaching soldiers and flew up to her balcony. "Let's see how you like it!" I told her, brandishing a flaming axe. "Off with her head!"

I was then forced roughly back into my body by my mother shaking me "awake", after which she gave me a list of chores I had to do that day. I quickly recovered from my temporary madness, but honestly, when compared to the chores, that beheading was beginning to look very tempting.


	4. Epilogue

Adventures of John: Welcome to Wonderland

Epilogue

I tried several times to return to Wonderland, but was met with stiff resistance every time. Apparently I had destroyed quite a lot of homes during my rampage, including the White Rabbit's. In fact, I believe that the attendees of the Mad Tea Party are the only people in Wonderland who don't hate me, as they seem to be completely ignorant of the world beyond their little gathering. I still visit them sometimes, but never for long. Every time I venture there I fear of being taken by the same madness that infected me on my first trip. It was not a pleasant experience, all that rage. And so, that is the story of how I became the most hated person in Wonderland and why I dare not return.


	5. The Story is Not Over

The Story is Not Over…

…Not even close. If you enjoyed this story, why stop now? This is only one story in the _John the Adventurer_ series. Read all about my other adventures! Here are all of the stories in chronological order with the link to each of them. Enjoy!

**PART 1**

The Early Adventures

1. Journey to Neverland

s/9988513/1/Adventures-of-John-Journey-to-Neverland

2. Welcome to Wonderland

s/9992207/1/Adventures-of-John-Welcome-to-Wonderland

3. The Wonderful Conspiracy of Oz

s/10021169/1/Adventures-of-John-The-Wonderful-Conspiracy-of-Oz

4. The Day I Met the Doctor

s/10003914/1/Adventures-of-John-The-Day-I-Met-the-Doctor

The Frozen Trilogy

5. The Adventurer and the Snow Queen

s/9967570/1/Adventures-of-John-The-Adventurer-and-the-Snow-Queen

6. The Search for Arendelle

s/10026159/1/Adventures-of-John-The-Search-for-Arendelle

7. The Return to Arendelle

s/10036949/1/Adventures-of-John-The-Return-to-Arendelle

Conclusion

8. World War Magic

s/10051986/1/Adventures-of-John-World-War-Magic

**PART 2**

Valentines Day

9. My Frozen Valentine

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Danger of the Rifts

10. Parallels

s/10121264/1/Adventures-of-John-Parallels

11. The Doctor, the Daleks, and the Dragon

s/10126576/1/Adventures-of-John-The-Doctor-the-Daleks-and-the-Dragon

12. Winchesters

s/10140894/1/Adventures-of-John-Winchesters

13. Heroes

s/10146442/1/Adventures-of-John-Heroes

The Void Trilogy

14. The Society

s/10166428/1/Adventures-of-John-The-Society


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